Alzheimer’s support

Yesterday I spoke to a group of social workers in Tumwater, Washington. We talked about caregiver anger, guilt, depression and grief. Social workers, by the way, don’t live in a vacuum. They have children and parents, and they have to deal with all of the same issues the rest of us face every single day.

When we talked about guilt, one woman shared that she had guilt issues about her children. (Who doesn’t?) She feels like the mistakes she made when her kids were young have contributed to her daughter’s inability to manage her finances as an adult. As a result she’s been bailing her daughter out of one mess after another for the last several years. She has now given […]

Yesterday afternoon Alex and I drove to Tumwater, Washington so I could be ready to start a full-day presentation for the Department of Social and Health Services this morning at 9:00 a.m.

We had a lovely dinner at a restaurant overlooking Tumwater Falls. As I sat there and watched the river, I was mesmerized by how calm and still the water appeared on the surface – until the moment it fell over the edge. Then it tumbled, crashed and splashed in a magnificent display of chaotic energy.

I think the same thing may be true of caregivers when we find ourselves in the midst of a crisis. You think you have everything under control. You are moving along fairly smoothly, and […]

When my son Robert walked down the aisle yesterday looking so handsome in his tuxedo, the attendees at the wedding spontaneously clapped and cheered. When Erica walked in, escorted by her brother Jeff, she looked so gorgeous in her white gown that everyone teared up.

It was an outdoor wedding at the Oregon Garden. The weather was perfect, and the grounds were perfect. There were a few hiccups and a couple of quick decisions and adjustments that had to be made at the last minute, but it all worked out. Those moments could have created stress, but the perfect love that Rob and Erica share at this point in their lives overpowered anything that wasn’t exactly right.

Erica and Rob aren’t kids. They have both experienced some difficult times. Rob […]

There is only room in my heart for one emotion today – happiness! Yesterday I got to witness the wedding rehearsal for my son Robert and his fiancé Erica. As they stood under the gazebo and practiced saying their wedding vows, Robert’s cheeks flushed bright red. Erica’s eyes filled with tears, and their love for each other filled my heart with joy.

I thought of my mom this morning as I started ticking off the items on my to-do list and how she always used to say, “As long as I have the ability to think and to reason, I have the power to choose my attitude toward any person, thing, or event.”

I guess I could choose to feel pressured to get everything done perfectly and on time. I […]

The events leading up to my son’s wedding tomorrow have been quite special. We’ve had a wonderful time getting to know the bride’s mother and brother. They live in Ohio, and we convinced them to come a few days early so they could enjoy seeing a bit of Oregon before the wedding.

At dinner on Wednesday night my heart had soared when Rob said, “Erica and I can communicate with each other without ever saying a word.” He’s 37. She’s 39. Neither one has ever been married before. I had nearly given up on him ever finding the right woman.

This morning at breakfast we talked about what a blessing it is that our kids found each other. We also talked about how happy we were that Erica had been […]

My son Robert is getting married on Saturday. His bride’s mother and brother have come from Ohio for the wedding and they are staying with us.

Nothing like a wedding and out-of-state company to motivate a person to get organized! I have a tendency to accumulate stacks of papers around my desk, on top of the kitchen counter, and if I’m being totally honest, on most other flat surfaces. Over the last several months I had been so busy with teaching, writing and speaking engagements that I had let the stacks get precariously tall. Our yard needed attention, and my closets were a cluttered mess. Did I mention the various containers in the refrigerator that had long since passed their “sell by” dates?

I went on a big organizing kick. […]

I know I have written about forgiveness before, but I have to talk about it again today. On Monday I spoke at the Challenges in Caregiving Conference in Seattle. During a breakout session I did about coping with caregiver anger, a woman shared a story with me that took my breath away.

Sue and Ann had been best friends for 42 years. They’d gone to college together. After they got married, their husbands became best friends. The two couples had raised their children together, and they had lots of plans for traveling together during their retirement years.

When Sue’s husband suffered a debilitating stroke, Ann and her husband abandoned them. Ann was angry because she thought Sue’s husband had brought the stroke on himself by smoking and by not following […]

My 39 year-old son called me last night to say he is thinking about making a dramatic career change. I listened intently, asked several questions and then encouraged him to follow his passion.

After I went to bed I found myself wishing he had decided to do this 10 years earlier. I was thinking, “You’re almost 40, son. It’s a little late in the game to be making such a dramatic shift!”

But then I realized that I didn’t start speaking until I was 55. My mother was 75 when she became a certified Reiki instructor. I’ve heard it said that if Winston Churchill had died before he was 70 that he would have been considered a failure.

If you look around, I’m pretty sure you will discover that you […]

I am a crammer. I have a tendency to cram too many projects into a day, too many clothes into a suitcase and too many words into this column. In the next eight days I have two speaking engagements and my son’s wedding. House guests from out of state will arrive on Tuesday. It is a fun, happy time, but it will also be exhausting.

That’s why the last two days have been so glorious. I had a speaking engagement on the north end of Seattle on Thursday. I have another one the south end tomorrow, so Alex came with me and we’ve spent two days resting and relaxing in the middle of the city.

We haven’t had a time schedule. (The hotel room doesn’t have a kitchen or a […]

When my friend Angie married Mark, she was a successful advertising executive and he was teaching high school history. They were both in their late 30’s, and their future looked bright.

Soon after the wedding Mark’s dad suffered a terrible stroke. He wasn’t expected to live long, which was fine with everyone, because he had been an abusive husband and a horrible father. Mark took the summer off to help his mother. When fall came, he didn’t go back to school. He thought if he could just help her get through his dad’s illness, that she could have a decent life and a little money after the old coot died.

As luck would have it, his mother died, and what Mark had anticipated would be a short-term hiatus from his […]