7 02, 2015

Surrendering Control

A View from the Pit

caregiver frustated over lack of controlSurrendering control may be one of the hardest things any of us will ever do. I learned about this many years ago when I attended a women’s Christian retreat in the Rocky Mountains. The theme of the event, “A View from the Pit”, was inspired by the Bible story about Joseph, whose brothers chose to throw him in a deep pit with no hope of escape rather than murder him. You can imagine that Joseph felt confused, scared, and betrayed. His view looking up from the bottom of that pit must have been one of despair and hopelessness.

It was a perfect metaphor for my life at the time. I’d gone through a contentious […]

23 01, 2015

EPILOGUE – Letters from Madelyn

Letters from Madelyn – Epilogue
“Life After Caregiving”

Elaine and Alex Sanchez, co-founders CaregiverHelp.comIt takes some time to adjust to life after caregiving, but as impossible as it seems, life will go on.

Several years ago I heard a sermon that really got my attention. The minister said, “You never know where you are in your life story. You may be close to the beginning. You may be somewhere in the middle, or you may be very, very close to the end.”

When I wrote the original epilogue to “Letters from Madelyn” in 2007, I had no idea that I would end up developing a new career speaking and writing about caregiving. I would have never guessed that Alex and I would create CaregiverHelp.com, our video-based […]

22 01, 2015

A Caregiver’s Prayer

Letters from Madelyn – Chapter 20
“Madelyn’s Last Letter as a Caregiver”

Letters from Madelyn, Chronicles of a CaregiverIn today’s blog, I share the last letter my mother wrote before Dad died, and her powerful caregiver’s prayer.

Despite Madelyn’s absolute commitment to keeping Dad at home, she finally had to put him in a nursing home after he fell and broke seven ribs and punctured a lung.

It’s still amazes me that although she appeared to be as fragile as a butterfly wing, she found the emotional, mental and spiritual strength to cope with the stress of caregiving. Her faith allowed her to turn her worries over to God, and her ability to control her thinking helped her stay positive, even when the outlook was extremely […]

17 01, 2015

Finding Your Authentic Self

Letters from Madelyn – Chapter 15
“Madelyn Gets Depressed”

caregiver depression

Finding your authentic self is a phrase that can seem trite, especially if you are caregiver. In today’s chapter of “Letters from Madelyn”, my mother experiences an episode of reactionary caregiver depression when she reads the book, “Simple Abundance”. The strategies the author offered for “finding your authentic self” seemed utterly absurd to Madelyn. After coming to the conclusion that the author is a young woman and knows absolutely nothing about being old or being a caregiver, Madelyn starts to recall what her life was like when she was in her 30’s and the Women’s Liberation Movement was just getting started.

Like most women who have lived and loved, raised a family and cared […]

15 01, 2015

Caregiver Transitions

Letters from Madelyn – Chapter 13
“Things That Get Wrecked”

Caregiver transitions - balancing mind and heart

Managing caregiver transitions is extraordinarily difficult. Few things are more heartbreaking than witnessing the daily decline of your husband.

How do you manage the pain that comes with the loss of his abilities? How do you stay connected when his thinking processes become so impaired that he can’t be trusted to do the simplest tasks? How do you maintain your patience when it takes him forever to shuffle from one room to another? How can you enjoy a meal together when he struggles to get food onto his fork and then into his mouth?

I believe there is very little in life that can hurt us as much as […]

14 01, 2015

Caregiver Flexibility

Letters from Madelyn – Chapter 12
“Annie’s Graduation Letter”

Caregiver FlexibilityCaregiver flexibility is a must when you are caring for a person who is aging, chronically ill or disabled. An ordinary activity like a trip to the store, a visit to the doctor’s office, or going out for lunch can quickly turn into a complicated ordeal.

In today’s episode of “Letters from Madelyn” my mother describes how Dad ruined a shopping trip for her. She describes the events and her frustration, but she doesn’t let a series of little disasters totally destroy her day. She also shares a high school graduation letter she sent to my daughter Annie in which she reminisces about her own teenaged years. She envies Annie’s youth and […]

6 01, 2015

Letters from Madelyn Audiobook: Chapter 4

Letters from Madelyn – Chapter 4
“And for This I Take Vitamins!”

Caregiver questions why she should take vitamins

I was asked to speak at our church on Mother’s Day, 2004 about mother-daughter relationships. I wanted people to know who she had been in her own words, so I went out to the garage and pulled down a large cardboard moving box my husband had labeled “Letters from Madelyn.” I read dozens of letters looking for this one.

After I did my little presentation, people came up to me and exclaimed, “You have to write a book!” I knew they were right, and I started on it the next day.

In this letter, Mom wrote about how she found peace and happiness from within by maintaining […]

31 12, 2014

Connection – Reduce Caregiver Stress

Reduce Caregiver Stress by
Staying Connected to Your Love One

Caregiver Staying Connected to Care ReceiverA few years ago I heard a man speak at an event sponsored by AARP. He was talking about caring for his wife who has MS. One day as he was he helping her onto the toilet, she looked up and him and angrily hissed, “Stop it!”

He said, “Stop what?”

She said, “Stop being my caregiver!”

His response was, “How in the hell am I supposed to do that?”

She said, “I don’t know, but I’m sick of you just being my caregiver. I want you to be my husband!”

They fought a little bit. They both cried, and then they sat down and talked about […]

28 12, 2014

LIMITS – Reduce Caregiver Stress

Setting Limits in Order to Reduce Caregiver Stress

My mother was in very poor health when Dad suffered a debilitating stroke. While still in the hospital, he was diagnosed with prostate cancer. Dad told Mom he was concerned about the additional burden caring for him would put on her. She said, “Don’t worry. You have already prepaid your medical care with me.”

About three years later, she got upset with him because he wouldn’t do his exercises or much of anything else to contribute to his own care. In addition to being lazy, he was acting grumpy, fussy and demanding. Mom reached her limit one morning and said, “Do you remember when I said your care was prepaid? Well, guess what, Pal? You just overdrew your account, and you are now […]

27 12, 2014

PERSEVERE – Survival Strategy for Caregivers

Perseverance – a Survival Strategy
to help Caregivers Cope with Stress

Winter Berries for CaregiversA former student in our online caregiving class who works at an assisted living facility said he always asks his residents this question, “If there is one thing that you have learned in your life that has had the biggest impact on who you are today, what is it? And how do you recommend that I pursue this same thing?”

One resident’s comment had a profound impact on our student. He said, “Get back up. Even if you fall hard, get back up, because all there is in life is life, and it’s up to you to persevere and make it all you can.”

The late […]

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