Person-Centered Care
A Nurse’s Kindness
I experienced person-centered care a few years ago my husband had back surgery. When he came out of recovery he had tubes going into and coming out of every part of his body. He was in tremendous pain, and I was very concerned. Wanting to provide a little comfort, I loaded some of his favorite music onto an iPod.
Wally, the night nurse, popped into the room and exclaimed, “Acoustic guitar! That’s awesome!” and then he asked, “Is that Otmar Leibert?” I nodded, and he said, “I love that guy!” He spent a couple of minutes with us. He asked some personal questions about Alex, and he told us a few things about himself, including the fact that he played the […]
When most of us repeat our wedding vows, especially when we’re young, it’s easy to imagine and anticipate the “better,” “the richer,” and the “in health” portion of the ceremony. I have wondered if anyone would actually go through with it if they understood how difficult maintaining a lifelong commitment can be.
My question was answered last fall when I spoke at a caregiving conference in Santa Barbara, California where I met Jo Bakker, an elegant woman, who was very well acquainted with the “worse” and “sickness” portions of the vows she had taken fifty-seven years earlier. Jo had been caring for Tom, her 83-year-old husband, who had been suffering from the 
This morning as I was feeling a bit overwhelmed by all of the projects that I have going on and all I need to get done, I came across this quote from Buddha: “I never see what has to be done. I only see what remains to be done.”
The sacrifices of caregiving are almost too numerous to list, and maintaining the balance between your family life and your caregiving responsibilities is often a very tricky journey. 
For those of us who have become adept at managing our families, homes and careers, it can be incredibly difficult when something shifts and we have to ask for help.
Surrendering control may be one of the hardest things any of us will ever do. I learned about this many years ago when I attended a women’s Christian retreat in the Rocky Mountains. The theme of the event, “A View from the Pit”, was inspired by the Bible story about Joseph, whose brothers chose to throw him in a deep pit with no hope of escape rather than murder him. You can imagine that Joseph felt confused, scared, and betrayed. His view looking up from the bottom of that pit must have been one of despair and hopelessness.
As a caregiver, learning how to control your attitude toward the challenges of caring for those who cannot care for themselves takes energy, effort and practice. I was reminded of this when I saw a plaque in our former priest’s office that declared, “I refuse to gratify the devil by becoming discouraged.”
Maintaining a positive mental attitude as a caregiver doesn’t just happen. It takes conscious effort and a willingness to filter out the negativity in your life.
It isn’t always easy to focus on caregiver self-care, but if you’re going to be caregiving over an extended period of time, taking regular breaks and arranging for respite care could end up being the key to your survival.